absolutely nothing 3

Then I learned that the way I was treated as a child was not common. I just listen but I do not tell my stories. I learned everything when I was high school. And I got good friends. It's a pity high school got only four years. But even there, i was not happy. You know I think that i missed three- fourths of my life as a child and half of my life as a teen- ager. I was not happy and all I could think about was how it was so unfair that these people get to enjoy their childhood. Get to dance under the rain. Get to play outside not worrying about your mom throwing your clothes out the house. Get to laugh real. Get to mingle with boys. Get to fall in love. Get to be what it takes to be a child. third year and fourth year high school I learned drinking alcohol though I was in the pilot class and I'm maintaining my grades. She was still not happy. And I am too. I thought hanging out with my friends would cure me and I had a great time with them. But I do not regret the things that i do. I don't think taking drugs and smoking would be bad. It would be if we exceed on the limit. But I think it's not bad. It's one way on escaping on reality. Tell me what other BETTER ways to escape reality then i would regret all the things that I've done. though I haven't took any drugs or smoke a cigar. But that time I forgot about God. My mom continued to harass me with words and I continue to harass her with my actions. We were hurting each other until I get to college. I found God there and if weren't for Him I would be physically and emotionally dead by now. My mom from time to time still scolds me but not as much as when I was innocent. Still it hurts me but I just pray to God that maybe someday she would realize that she was wrong and apologize for all the things she robbed of my childhood. And I would apologize for not doing enough even if I try really hard. So for all the moms out there please let your child be a child. Allow her to make mistakes. She will learn from that. You know, even now I'm still afraid of the world. I'm afraid of the things I didn't experience. Especially falling in love. Don't take that away from your child. But be there if she cries at night. Me? No one saw me cry on my problems. I haven't had anyone to talk to except God. And it's good to have Him with me because if not I might be in a mental asylum by now. And listen to her, please. On that way you will know her and she will know that you care. I think it's dumb to say that you know everything about you're child even if you did not. I often thought about that when my mom says that. How will she know if she doesn't listen to me? I think what's wrong about being Asian is so much respect on the elderly that the young ones were to keep their mouth shut because they don't have the experience. You know one thing why I want to explode when I was young was that I was not allowed to say anything but listen. I haven't had the chance to reason and say my feelings. And I was just sitting letting her to hurt me bleeding inside. I was also not allowed to show any kind of being disrespectful like banging things. Imagine that hate building up in your child's chest and she never gets to express it until you just read a suicide note on your refrigerator's door. I was close to that until I met God. I'm close to graduating and I've got big dreams. Just to get away from here and finally learn from experiences around the world. But one thing's for sure. I would never be my mom. The answer from the question earlier: I would still choose my mom, because if it weren't for her i wouldn't be a strong person I believe I am. And I still love her. I can't imagine a world without her. Just like what a family should feel to its members.