Absolutely nothing 2

 I remember the time she wanted me to join declamation contests and when we were practicing the lines. She would always yank my hair back and forth, slap me on the face, slap me on the butt because I'm crying which upsets the whole practice. But what hurts the most was the words she used to tell me. And I grow up believing that I'm dumb, I'm stupid, I'm a slow- learner, I'm everything she doesn't want as her child. I won first place on the contest and everyone was congratulating me. I was not happy. I waited my mom to tell me that she was proud of me, after all that's what i want why i entered the competition on the first place. But I tucked myself on my bed thinking if that stupid contest is worth the pain. Then I would always get bad dreams. She was also paranoid on getting perfect scores on quizzes or exams. That's why I'm always slapped because I tried my best not to get a perfect one. Yes, I tried my best not to get a perfect one. I don't know why but when we were getting home i would always ready myself on her. And I grow up believing that I'm dumb, I'm stupid, I'm a slow- learner, I'm everything she doesn't want as her child.     That went on until I get to high school. And she got disappointed because I'm getting low grades, though I think it was not low on other's perspective. And i do think it's more than enough to reach the next school year. And she would call me stupid, lazy, and curse me real bad. I think that's worse than physical pain because somehow it's indented on your mind or your heart. But I'm trying really hard. And it's hard to be pressured, thinking about your studies and pleasing your mom, and being perfect all at the same time.